AATC3: RAT RACE
by spin-doctor
Summary: When a crazy billionaire offers the chipmunks and six friends two million USD and a vaccine to prevent death for two people; they have to take a race around the world circumnavigate to get it. Who will win? who will lose? NOT PART OF CHIPMUNK STORIES!
1. Chapter 1:ready set don't go

RAT RACE

* * *

Basically AATC3: but a remake of chipmunk adventure. BASED ON RAT RACE- WITH OUT THE STUPID ENDING! each chapter will begin with a scene from the movie; alternating with chipmunk adventure.

* * *

**ALVIN**: What's this $110?  
**CLERK**: Those are your in-room movies.  
ALVIN: No, I didn't watch any movies.  
**CLERK**: Okay, let's see... Afro Whores.  
**ALVIN**: Afro Whores?  
**CLERK**: You watched it... let's see... uh, 11 times.  
**ALVIN**: No, no, no...  
**CLERK**: Afro Whores, 2:30. Afro Whores, 4 o'clock. Afro Whores, 5:30. It says in the morning you watched The Grinch for ten minutes and then switched back over to Afro Whores.  
**ALVIN:**I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. You have to take that off my record.  
**ALVIN**: It... It's a delete.  
**CLERK**: Okay, fine. How many times *did* you watch it?  
**ALVIN**: None! I didn't watch it!  
**CLERK**: Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters... "  
**ALVIN**: [screaming] I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it! I didn't.

The clerk raises her eyebrows as Alvin signs the bill

"you.. watched porn?" asked Britt

"what's so wrong with that"

"it just is."

"I told Harry to meet us here..."

"that dude from the crazy hormone company?"

"yes that man. he said something about us needing to race with him- his daughter and birdie."

"birdie? that piece of crap?"

"one and the same"

"why does he want to race?"

"remember rat race?"

"yes- great movie- stupid ending."

Harry MacAfee then entered with his daughter Kim- and her BF Conrad Bridie

"hey man!" said Harry

"how's it?" asked Alvin

"great- I think they said something about going to the penthouse- so if you would join us."

They went up to the penthouse- oblivious to the sign on the TV:

WORLD DYING FROM H1AID1! (a deadly hybrid of AIDS and H1N1 AKA: swine flu.)

So then Matt- the billionaire entered.

"Excuse me. Thank you all for coming. I'm Matt, I own this hotel. We don't have much time. There's a meteor the size of North Carolina heading straight for Earth. The impact is going to kill every thing and everyone on this planet. I built a bunker in the basement to this casino strong enough to withstand the blast. There's room enough for eight people. I have chosen the seven of you, plus me. When this is over, it'll be up to us to repopulate and re-civilize the planet."

They all look shocked- so Matt starts to laugh.

"I couldn't resist! I'm sorry." he said

They then looked around.

"go!"

They still look around

"go!"

"move!"

"come!"

"move it! get your heads out of your asses! GO!"

"So, when you say "go", you mean, just go?" asked Harry

**"**Uh, begin, commence, start moving... theoretically you have been racing for about forty seconds now, and so far Mr. fat man is winning because he's nearest to the door." said Matt

"why do we race beside the 2 Mill?" asked Conrad

"I infected the world with H1AID1- a deadly DOC (death on contact) disease that is a hybrid of H1N1 AKA: SINE FLU; AND AIDS! the winner gets a vacine good for two people the rest- die with the rest of the world." said Matt

"you can't do that!" said Kim

"I can do whatever I want. I'm eccentric. Grr!" said Matt

"NAY! THOU CAN NOT!" said Harry

"I can do anything I want, I'm eccentric. Aaarrrgh. " said Matt

"so- we just go?" asked Britt

"yes."

"really?" asked Harry

"go for it fats!" said Matt

"this is better then the time...Me on the Ed Sullivan show?  
Ed Sullivan  
Me, Henry McAfee appearing with  
Ed Sullivan  
Ed-Ed Sullivan  
Ed-Ed-Sullivan  
Ah Ah Ed Sullivan  
Ed Sullivan  
Ed Sullivan  
Ed-Ed-Sul-Sul  
Ed Sullivan, Ed Sullivan  
We're gonna be on Ed Sullivan  
How could any fam'ly be  
Half as fortunate as we?  
We'll be coast to coast,  
With our fav'rite host,  
Ed Sullivan.  
Ed Sullivan, Ed Sullivan,  
We're gonna be on Ed Sullivan!  
Ooooohhh!  
I've got a wonderful wife,  
Two swell kids,  
A good job and now this!  
Someday we'll recall  
The greatest day of all  
Ed, I love you!  
Ed Sullivan... " sang Harry

"yeah dad I remember." said Kim

"LET'S GO!" yelled Alvin

**"**Uh, begin, commence, start moving... theoretically you have been racing for about two minuets now, and so far Mr. fat man is winning because he's nearest to the door." said Matt

"So what else?" asked Conrad

"it vaccine will be in a train station in Boston- in locker 000. you will take a key and the key will open the locker. inside will be a bag- in which the vaccine is in." said Matt

"quit bumpin you're ass flaps!" said Conrad

"baby- this man wants us to race these rats-" said Kim

"chipmunks!" said Alvin

"and if we win- we get 2 mill and a vaccine to not have us die." said Kim

"k babe" said Conrad

"before we begin-Let's make a resolution" Alvin said

"I'll drink to that" said Simon

"Let's always stay friends" said Britt

"Tho' we may have our disputes" said Jeanette

"This family tree's got deep roots" said Theodore

"Friendship is thicker than blood" Eleanore

"That depends" said Kim

"Depends on trust" said Harry

"Depends on true devotion" said Conrad

"Depends on love" said the 4 humans

"Depends on not denying emotion" said the chipmunks

"Perhaps" said Matt

"It's gonna be a happy new year" they all said as they drank

They then staggered out the door; to being the race.


	2. Chapter 2: talking

But as soon as they walked out the door- Matt shut it.

"oh- by the way- I am in this race. If you like harry- three old friends will join you to make the third team complete." said Matt

"who are they?" asked Harry

"I have people to use for myself as well. eight. oh harry- here's a hint: al."

"al? Bart simpson?"

"no."

"that crazy fruit dude?"

"no. hint: get you're ass off my range rover sunny boy!"

"who the hell?"

"she stuck her head in your oven!"

"her son wrote a song for birdie and caused a physical altercation on natioal television on the Ed Sullivan show."

"Al; and his crazy mother?"

"good so far... hint three: r."

"rosie- god it's been years"

So all three entered.

"who are you going with?"

"let me tell you. **Mark Cohen,****Roger Davis,****Tom Collins,****Benjamin Coffin III**,**Joanne Jefferson,****Angel Dumott Schunard****,Mimi Márquez****,and finally ****Maureen Johnson**"

They then entered.

"they said..." said Mark

"he said..." said Roger

"who the hell are they?" asked Albert

"sonny boy- this man will give us money and a vaccine to live forever if we win a big race with our old friends!" said Albert's mother

"let's fuck them up" said Rose

"hello! and since you two teams have you're key- and my team has mine- we may now start the race! in five- four-three-two-GO!" said Matt- as he shot his fully loaded not blank pistol into the air.

They then go forth for the first real time!


	3. Chapter 3: the squirrel lady

"There was this boy and this other boy and they got into a fight because of this girl. Then there was kicking and punching… BOOM! BOOM! POW! POW! And then the bad boy lost and the good boy got the girl. They got married, did things which you're not allowed to know about until you're thirty, and then they had a cute daughter who should probably go to sleep now " said Alvin

"you been reading again?" asked Britt

"um- yes. it's so fun- this guy writes really good- and his brother- just LOL. I can not stop LOLing."

"who is he?"

"spin_doctor"

"LOL. that dude's crazy. I like him too- but spunt is insane- he spelled Jeanette's name wrong-and he was supposed to!!" said Britt

They then came to a squirrel stand; and a lady pops out from between a squirrel's legs.

"you... did...you?" asked Eleanore

"yes I did! hi- I'm a lady and I sell squirrels!" said the lady

"um- ma'am- we are chipmunks. squirrels would kill us, and no- we do not wish to mate with them." said Alvin

"what the hell did he say?" asked the squirrel lady

"he means- if we buy squirrel- we go bye bye and we no want to have sex with squirrel too." said Britt

"we is looking for the interstate- on our way to Leominster."

"that crazy town where a crazy man was born who's trees give us apples?"

"si."

"why you going there?"

"they have what we need. my girlfriend...she's giving birth!" said Alvin

'twas true it was, Brittney was near birth- but they could not stop.

"ok- so you want to go straight right down here for exactly 1.8 miles. And make a left at the crap covered sign. Go 5.4 miles over a big hill and you'll see a little black sign with the words 'FUCK YOU!' on it. Then there's a little dirt road; take that on the right and it will take you right to the interstate" said the squirrel lady

"thank you."

"oh wait- take some nuits with you in case you see a squirrel!"

"ok. TY"

"sure you don't want to buy a squirrel?"

"yes. good day!"

They then drove to the dirt road.

"did anyone reconize the lady?" said Eleanore

"reminds me of rat race..." said Simon

They saw signs going down the hill; which read: YOU SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT A SQUIRREL.

They then crashed.

* * *

AN: we will alternate chapters between Harry's group and Alvin's group. Matt and his group may pop up every few chapters- but they don't really matter.

MATT


	4. Chapter 4: an accident

CHAPTER 4: the facts

The chipmunks then endured a force of a 7.0 earthquake. they were then knocked near dead.

Harry just happened to drive by the many cars.

"my god... we have to stop. we must!" yelled Harry

"no. we can't" said Conrad

"look boy- you will listen to me until you marry my daughter- and don't get funny ideas to get around that you pompous ass!" said harry

Conrad proceeded to undress- and Kim as well.

"DO NOT HAVE SEX IN MY CAR!"

"but you said that you always wanted grandchildren!" said Kim

"not this early! HELL NO!" said Harry

"oh harry- forget the kids. let's get to helping the stray woodland whores!" said Mae

"first off- they're chipmunks. 2nd- they are not whores. third- they look dead- and the hot girl is giving birth." said Kim

"I think we need- um- a doctor- 6 condoms- a warm towel- an ass's ass-the first rent OBC CD- a medical book- and a book on chipmunk fuckin' parts" said Albert

"why do we need all that?" Rose asked

"the doctor to get me a massage- the condoms for the chipmunks- an ass's ass for their gift- a rent CD for me- and a book to tell me how the hell to do this!" said Albert

"this will hurt a little" said Albert as he put the ass's ass up Brittney's ass

"what?" asked Rose

"nothing. just a mild sedative. I'm not just a chemist you know. Well- I'm not ether of them- but you get my point."

"oh. guess so."

There was a short yelp. then nothing.

"she's dead." said Harry

"let's sing a funeral song!" said Alvin

(NOTE: TO GET THE FULL EFFECT PLAY ALL SONGS AT ONCE ON YOUTUBE)

CONRAD

I'm Writing One Great Song Before I ...  
One Song  
Glory  
One Song  
Before I Go  
Glory  
One Song To Leave Behind

Find One Song  
One Last Refrain  
Glory  
From The Pretty Boy Front Man  
Who Wasted Opportunity

One Song  
He Had The World At His Feet  
Glory  
In The Eyes Of A Young Girl  
A Young Girl  
Find Glory  
Beyond The Cheap Colored Lights

One Song  
Before The Sun Sets  
Glory - On Another Empty Life  
Time Flies - Time Dies  
Glory - One Blaze Of Glory  
One Blaze Of Glory - Glory

Find  
Glory  
in a song that rings true  
truth like a blazing fire  
an eternal flame

Find  
One Song  
A Song About Love  
Glory  
From The Soul Of A Young Man  
A Young Man

Find  
The One Song  
Before The Virus Takes Hold  
Glory  
Like A Sunset  
One Song  
To Redeem This Empty Life

Time Flies  
And Then - No Need To Endure Anymore  
Time Dies

HARRY

How did we get here? How the hell-pan left, close on the steeple of the church.  
How did I get here, how the hell?  
Christmas! Christmas eve, last year.  
How could a night so frozen be so scalding hot?  
How can a morning this mild be so raw?  
Why are entire years strewn on the cutting room floor of memory,  
When single frames from one magic night,  
Forever flicker in close up on the 3-D Imax of my mind.  
Thats poetic- thats pathetic.  
Why did Mimi knock on Roger's door?  
And Collins choose that phone booth back where Angel set up his drums.  
Why did Maureen's equiptment break down?  
Why am I the witness and when I capture it on film,  
Will it mean that it's the end and I'm alone?

ALL CHIPMUNKS

Will I lose my dignity  
will someone care  
will i wake tomorrow  
from this nightmare

Will I lose my dignity  
will someone care  
will i wake tomorrow  
from this nightmare

Will I lose my dignity  
will someone care  
will i wake tomorrow  
from this nightmare

Will I lose my dignity  
will someone care  
will i wake tomorrow  
from this nightmare

Will I lose my dignity  
will someone care  
will i wake tomorrow  
from this nightmare

ALVIN

Live In My house

I'll Be You Shelter  
Just Pay Me Back With One Thousand  
**kisses**  
Be My Lover  
And I'll Cover You  
Open Your door I'll Be Your Tenant  
Don't Got Much Baggage  
To Lay At Your Feet  
But Sweet kisses I've Got To Spare  
I'll Be There - I'll Cover You

I Think They Meant It  
When They Said You Can't Buy love  
Now I Know You Can Rent It  
A New Lease You Were, My door , On Life

All My Life  
I've Longed To Discover  
Something As True  
As This Is

JOANNE & SOLOISTS  
So With A Thousand  
Sweet Kisses  
I'll Cover You

Wiht A Thousand  
Sweet Kisses  
I'll Cover You

With A Thousand  
Sweet Kisses  
I'll Cover You

With A Thousand  
Sweet Kisses  
I'll Cover You

COLLINS

If You're Cold  
And You're  
Lonely

You've Got One  
Nickel Only

when You're  
Worn Out  
And Tired

When Your Heart  
Has Expired

COMPANY  
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six  
Hundred Minutes  
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand  
Moments So Dear  
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six  
Hundred Minutes  
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six  
Hundred-  
Measure A Year  
Oh Lover I'll Cover You  
Oh Lover I'll Cover You

COLLINS & COMPANY  
Oh Lover  
I'll Cover You  
Oh Lover

COLLINS  
I'll Cover You

COMPANY  
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six  
Hundred Minutes  
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand  
Seasons Of Love

COLLINS  
I'll Cover You

MARK  
Dearly beloved, we gather here to say  
our goodbyes

COLLINS & ROGER  
Dies Irae - Dies Illa  
Kyrie Eleison  
Yitgadal V' Yitkadash (etc.)

MARK  
Here she lies  
No one knew her worth  
The late great daughter of Mother Earth  
On these nights when we celebrate the birth  
In that little town of Bethlehem  
We raise our glass- You bet your ass to-  
La Vie Boheme

ALL  
La Vie Boheme  
La Vie Boheme  
La Vie Boheme  
La Vie Boheme

MARK  
To days of inspiration,  
Playing hookey, making something  
Out of nothing, the need  
To express-  
To communicate,  
To going against the grain,  
Going insane,  
Going mad

To loving tension, no pension  
To more than one dimension,  
To starving for attention,  
Hating convention, hating pretension,  
Not to mention of course,  
Hating dear old mom and dad

To riding your bike  
Midday past the three piece suits-  
To fruits- To no absolutes-  
To Absolut- To choice-  
To the Village Voice-  
To any passing fad

To being an us- For once-  
Instead of a them-

ALL  
La Vie Boheme  
La Vie Boheme

MAUREEN  
Is the equipment in a pyramid?

JOANNE  
It is, Maureen

MAUREEN  
The mixer dosn't have a case  
Don't give me that face

MR. GREY  
AHHEMM

MAUREEN  
Hey Mister- She's my sister

MR. GREY  
So that's five miso soup,  
Four seaweed salad  
Three soy burger dinner,  
Two tofu dog platter  
And one pasta with meatless balls

A BOY  
Eww

COLLINS  
It tastes the same

MIMI  
If you close your eyes

MR. GREY  
And thirteen orders of fries  
Is that it here?

ALL  
Wine and beer!

MIMI & ANGEL  
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries  
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese  
To leather, to dildos, To curry Vindaloo  
To Huevos Rancheros and Maya Angelou

MAUREEN & COLLINS  
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion,  
Creation, Vacation

MARK  
Mucho masturbation

MAUREEN & COLLINS  
Compassion, to fashion, to passion  
When it's new

COLLINS  
To Sontag

ANGEL  
To Sondheim

FOUR PEOPLE  
To anything taboo

COLLINS & ROGER  
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage

COLLINS  
Lenny Bruce

ROGER  
Langston Hughes

MAUREEN  
To the stage!

PERSON #1  
To Uta

PERSON #2  
To Buddha

PERSON #3  
Pablo Neruda, too

MARK & MIMI  
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow  
To blow off Auntie Em

ALL  
La Vie Boheme

MAUREEN  
And wipe the speakers off before you pack

JOANNE  
Yes, Maureen

MAUREEN  
Well- Hurry back

MR. GREY  
Sisters?

MAUREEN  
We're close

ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK & MR GREY  
Brothers!

MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & 3 OTHERS  
Bisexuals, trisexuals, Homo Sapiens,  
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men,  
Pee Wee Herman  
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein  
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa  
Carmina Burana

ALL  
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy  
Vaclav Havel- The Sex Pistols, 8BC  
To no shame- Never playing the fame game

COLLINS  
To marijuana

ALL  
To sodomy  
It's between God and me  
To S & M

BENNY  
Waiter...Waiter...Waiter

ALL  
La Vie Boheme

WRONG:  
COLLINS  
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromtu salon will commence immediately following dinner...  
Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being  
stirred.

ROGER  
And Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days.

MARK  
And Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will sing Native American  
tribal chants backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello- Which she has never never  
studied.

MARK  
And Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song

(Roger picks up a guiter and plays)

MARK  
That doesn't remind us of 'Musetta's  
Waltz'

COLLINS  
Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10-gallon plastic  
pickle tub.

ANGEL  
And Collins will recount his exploits  
as an Anarchist- Including the tale of  
his successful reprogramming of the  
MIT virtual reality equipment to self-destruct as it broadcasts the words:

ALL  
'Actual Reality - Act Up - Fight AIDS!'

RIGHT:  
COLLINS  
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromtu salon will commence immediately following dinner Maureen Johnson, back from her  
spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will sing Native American  
tribal chants backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello- which she aint never  
studied.

ROGER  
And Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days.

MARK  
And Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being  
stirred...And Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song

(Roger picks up a guiter and plays)

MARK  
That doesn't remind us of 'Musetta's  
Waltz'

COLLINS  
Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10-gallon plastic  
pickle tub.

ANGEL  
And Collins will recount his exploits  
as an Anarchist- Including the tale of  
his successful reprogramming of the  
MIT virtual reality equipment to self-destruct as it broadcasts the words:

ALL  
'Actual Reality - Act Up - Fight AIDS!'

They then drive away.


	5. Chapter 5: Leominster on my mind

AN: thanks the the instant success. SPUNT: TY FOR THE REVIEW MAN! PLEASE R&R!

I DO NOT OWN LEOMINSTER MA OR ANYTHING OR ANYONE THERE!

* * *

So- with that all done- they stuffed Britt in the back of their truck.

"this is the end." said Alvin

"nay! this is the beginning!" said Simon

"look- Britt's dead- The only town with the things we need... is Lemoninster."

**Leominster** (pronounced "lemon-ster") is a city in Worcester County, Massachusetts, United States. The population was 41,303 at the 2000 census. Leominster is located north of Worcester and west of Boston. Both Route 2 and Route 12 pass through Leominster. Interstate 190, Route 13, and Route 117 all have starting/ending points in Leominster. Leominster is bounded by Fitchburg and Lunenburg to the north, Lancaster to the east, Sterling and Princeton to the south, and Westminster to the west.

Before European settlement, various divisions of the Pennacook or Nipmuc tribes inhabited the area, with a settlement nearby called Nashua. Leominster was first settled in 1653 as part of the town of Lancaster as a suburb of Fitchburg. The settlers of Lancaster lived in peace with the Native Americans for more than years, until the start of King Phillip's War in 1675. Many of Lancaster's inhabitants were either killed or had fled the town. Once the fighting had ceased, the town was left virtually deserted. In an effort to bring people back, a new grant of land (containing what is now Leominster and Sterling) was offered to the former residents. To avoid further hostilities with the Native Americans, a negotiation with Chief Sholan of the Nashaway tribe resulted in one of the only parcels of land in Central Massachusetts to be legally purchased. The first house was built in 1724 and by 1740 Leominster had gained enough inhabitants to be officially incorporated into a town. Early Leominster consisted of family farms, growing mainly grains, vegetables, and fruit. And a city in 1915. Leominster is now known as "The Pioneer Plastics City" because of its thriving plastics industry from the early part of the twentieth century to present day and as "The Home of Street Hockey" due to its contributions to the game. Leominster and Fitchburg are commonly known as the twin cities in the area because of their similar populations, their shared history of industry, and their location on the Nashua River. Leominster was also a major contributor in the Underground Railroad. The Emory Stearn Schoolhouse and the John Drake home, both on Franklin Street, led anti-slavery campaigns and helped house slaves on their journey to freedom. [1] Leominster is the second largest city in Worcester County, after Worcester."

The city of Leominster has played a more significant role in the establishment and progress of plastics than any other city in the United States. The Plastics Industry started with the comb industry in 1770s which has flourished in Leominster ever since. Early combs were made of animal shell, horn, and hooves; by the mid 1800s, these supplies were dwindling rapidly. Everything changed when in 1868 John Wesley Hyatt invented a material made from cellulose nitrate, to which he gave the name "celluloid". [2] Celluloid was hard, durable, and easy to shape and mold when heated to a certain temperature. Leominster's facilities for horn fabrication rapidly become the center for plastic fabrication in the United States. Leominster used celluloid not only for combs but also for toys, cutlery handles, optical frames, buttons, and novelties of all shapes and sizes. Most celluloid manufacturing was later changed to cellulose acetate which did not burn as quickly. The peak of the plastics industry in Leominster was between 1900 and 1920. The plastics industry was Leominster's largest employer

Unfortunately, in the late 1920s women's styles were changing rapidly; hair was worn shorter with no need for elaborate combs. With the advent of the Great Depression, which began in 1929 and did not end until the end of World War II, Leominster's plastics industry went into a decline.

Union Products first conceived the idea of plastic lawn ornaments in 1946. Unfortunately, the first ones were two-dimensional and not very well designed. In 1956, the company decided to hire an artist to correct the problem. They turned to the prestigious Worcester Art Museum School in Worcester, Massachusetts for candidates, ultimately hiring Don Featherstone. [5] His first project was a duck named "Charlie the Duck"; it was modeled after a real duck that Mr. Featherstone kept at his studio. Charlie met with moderate success, but Mr. Featherstone was sure that he could do better. Using flamingo pictures from National Geographic, he created a clay sculpture of the famous bird. The company made aluminum molds and the pink flamingo was born. During the 1950's, vast numbers of families were moving into ranch houses in new suburban developments. The new homes were affordable and comfortable, but employed a repetitive "cookie-cutter" design. The new homeowners now had lawns and a desire to publicly express their tastes. The sales of Leominster's native bird took off. Since then, sales have had their ups and downs over the years, the birds occasionally being replaced in popular fashion by more tasteful rabbits or less tasteful gnomes. During the 1980s, sales increased dramatically because of the successful television show "Miami Vice" where the birds gave a strong but understated and uncredited performance as show regulars. Today, they are purchased for uses as varied as wedding decorations, house warming gifts, or to humorously mark a birthday. Authentic Leominster pink flamingos have Don Featherstone's signature under their tails, a yellow beak with black tip, and are only sold in pairs. Union Products, of Leominster, Massachusetts, stopped production of pink flamingos on November 1, 2006. However, HMC International LLC, a subsidiary of Faster-Form Corporation, purchased the copyright and plastic molds of Featherstone's original plastic flamingos in 2007, and will be resuming production of them in Westmoreland, New York." said Simon

"um..." said Jeanette

"wow" said Alvin

"who knew?" asked Eleanore

They then drove into down town.

Alvin was playing with his flame thrower; when it accidently ignited the city.

"look at the pretty colours!" said Alvin

"ALVIN! YOU'VE BURNED DOWN LEOMINSTER! EXCEPT FOR THE PIZZA PLACE NEAR MATT'S HOUSE AND THE CHURCH WITH TE ONE OF A KIND ORGAN! YOU ASS!" yelled Simon

"HMMMMM. THIS IS GOOD BEEF! IT'S ON THE GROUND!" said Theodore

"YOU'RE EATING THE MAYOR!" said Simon

"OH GOOD! HE TASTES GOOD!"

"OH GOD! WE'RE ARSONISTS!"

"so what?" asked Jeanette

Suddenly Harry dove through.

"so- this is it. the burning town with a one of a kind organ. it's up in flames!"

"no matter." said Conrad

"SAVE THE ORGAN!" said Harry- as he raced into the church and grabbed the two ton organ.

"HELP ME GET IT IN THE CAR!"

"HARRY! GET THE ORGAN- THEN GO! I'LL HANDEL THIS!" yelled Alvin

"OK!" he said as they drove off

Alvin started to sing....

And the fire did not stop!

* * *

FULL ARTICLE: .org/wiki/Leominster,_Massachusetts


	6. Chapter 6: I kissed a squirrel

CHAPTER 5: I kissed a squirrel.

"what? hey look! this hot squirrel! o god...." said Alvin- upon which he fainted

the rest of them fainted as well; and woke up in a tree- tied up by a human sized condom!

"god this is so damn wrong!" yelled the squirrel

They then woke up.

Turns out that the squirrel had cast off their clothing.

while they had been out- they had been brutally raped.

The squirrel had taken out a two foot long knife and proceeded to sharpen it.

The two foot long knife was lunged at Alvin- who proceeded to wail. The wound was dripping with the goddamn brightest blood he ever saw. Alvin knew that this meant only one thing: the squirrel was CHUNKY THE SQUIRREL!

He then moved toward the "dead" body of Britt- who he started to slice- and then there was a large scream.

turns out that gentile mutilation is not illegal. On chipmunks anyway.

Because that's exactly what happened to Brittney.

(NOTE: I don't want this to go to M; so I will try and keep it short.)

So basically- the knife slit her up pretty good. But the Alvin found out something.

The squirrel didn't exist-or he could be crazy.

But he found that they were still driving.

He checked out Britt's body in the back.

It was all slit in the area.

But He noticed a bump- and she was breathing.

"WHAT THE FUCK? GTE BRITT TO THE HOSPITAL YOU BITCHES!"


	7. Chapter 7: hospitals are fun NOT!

CHAPTER 7: hospitals are fun- NOT!

So- Right then and there Matt sent out an EMAIL:

ALL RACERS:

RACE IS STOPPED UNTIL WE CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH BRITTNEY!

SIGNED

MATT

"oh god- he stopped the race!"said Harry

"we have to get to them!" yelled Kim and they sped down the road.

"we must...don't stop....never...stop...never!" said Conrad

Back at the hospital:

"godDAMN IT!" yelled Alvin

"what's wrong?" asked Harry- who just slid up

"Britt isn't dead. far from it. she's..."

"we know. you tweeted about it. and put it on your myspace and facebook."

"so- what shall we do while we see what the hell is up with my knocked up GF?"

"play a board game?"

"too boring"

"induce volintary flatchulence?"

"too gassy"

"sing?"

"too depressing"

"let me have sex with your daughter?"

"um- let me think- FUCK NO!"

"um- then what should we do?"

"cry?"

"sure"

So that is what they did.

Brittney was later pronounced dead- and the race was back on.... or so they thought!


	8. Chapter 8: he says

CHAPTER 8: he says

Brittney was now stuck in hell.

"where am I?" she asked

Matt (the one from the chipmunk stories.) came over.

"baby- it's all right" he said

"where am I?" said Britt

"you're in hell. for all you're missing transgressions and falsehoods. for that you've been condemned to hell."

"really?"

"you can't get out. your body is dead. though are not- not now anyway. you must go to the lord and find what he says and state thou case- if he wants you to get out- he let. if not- you die."

"ok."

BACK AT THE HOSPITAL

"Matt said that... before we got stuck here- if we saw someone how looked like him that it was Ian. and damn- we fell for it." said Alvin

"so what's the plan?" asked Harry

"get Britt out of hell and go and get Matt and kill the fake." said Alvin


End file.
